


A Difficult Concept || Destiel

by Lucifers_Left_Lung



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-11
Updated: 2016-10-11
Packaged: 2018-08-21 23:01:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,258
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8263567
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lucifers_Left_Lung/pseuds/Lucifers_Left_Lung
Summary: ❝I think I love you, dammit❞  In which Dean knows the Mark is going to take him soon and he realizes his feelings for Castiel.   ©2015//Lucifers-Left-Lung





	

Dean Winchester had not really had his fair share of love; he'd been far too busy for all that. Besides, who needed love when you had family and too many duties to count? There was the Yellow-Eyed demon, the apocalypse, Lucifer, Lilith, Crowley, Rowena, the angels, and so many other things. Not to mention the most immediate problem: the mark of Cain. So, no. Dean Winchester didn't often think of love, let alone go looking for it.

But things were different now. Dean knew there was no way to save himself from the mark without damning so many other people. And he wasn't about to risk everyone else's lives simply to save his own. If he were willing to do that, nothing in his life before this point would have mattered. Now that Dean was quite certain he was going to die, that the end was so close, he really had nothing to lose. He was living for the moment, something he had pretty much done anyway, but somehow this was different. His impending demise was so permanent, it seemed, that living what little life he did have left to the fullest was imperative.

There were those people who had always been there for him, a short list compared to those who had been against him. There was Sam, his brother, whom he had taken from college and entered into the dangers of the hunting world. There wasn't a day that went by that Dean didn't feel guilty about bringing this life upon Sam. But Sam had stayed and had died for Dean, had let Lucifer control his body and mind for Dean. And Dean was grateful. Sam was the most important person in Dean's life, always had been. Since they were young and Dean had to watch over Sam while their father was out hunting the Yellow-Eyed demon, Azazel. They were all the other one had and Dean hated to leave Sam, but he knew Sam would be okay. 

Then there was Bobby, who had died for the boys. Unfortunately, unlike Sam and Dean himself, Bobby hadn't been resurrected. Dean felt guilty for Bobby's death as well, but he knew Bobby was living up in his own personal Heaven. Before, that wouldn't have been very comforting, but the angel, Hannah, was now over Heaven and Dean had heard that things up there were great now. At least something had gone right for his father's best friend and the man who had basically been Sam and Dean's second father for years.

And last, but definitely not least, there was Castiel. An angel of the lord, who saved him from Hell (literally) and had originally been sent to stop the apocalypse, which was inevitable. He joined Dean in trying to stop his brother from breaking the last seal, the seal that led to Lucifer being released from the cage. He died several times for Dean and it was clear to him now―now that he was on the verge of a permanent death―that Castiel cared for him, probably more than anyone aside from his brother. 

And Dean cared for him. Too much. It would be the end of them both, but Dean couldn't stop himself on this drunken night of reminiscing and pizza, from telling Castiel how he had come to feel over these last years. Now, almost everyone who knew anything about Dean Winchester would say that Dean was a ladies' man. That Dean loved women more than anything, and that was mostly true. But, while Dean was a lot of things, he wasn't one to ignore the facts. And the fact was that he now realized his true feelings for Castiel, an angel of the Lord who had saved him time and again. 

So when the others had gone to bed and Castiel was preparing to say goodbye for the night, Dean found himself wandering over to Cas and pulling him into an embrace. This was nothing new for the two of them, but tonight was different for Dean and he wondered if Castiel could feel it as well. There was typically playful and sarcastic banter between the two of them, but Dean didn't feel like being his usual sarcastic self tonight. Castiel was one of the few people that Dean could open up to and he was prepared to do it again, possibly for the last time.

Dean pulled away from Castiel and held him at arms' length. Castiel was staring at Dean, probably sensing that something was wrong. Though Castiel was an angel and not completely attuned to human emotions, he seemed to always be able to tell when something was bothering Dean. 

"Dean, what is it?" Castiel asked, a worried expression on his face. 

"Cas," Dean said, suddenly not able to look Castiel in the eyes. He was afraid of Castiel's reaction to what he was about to say, but he knew he had to say it. Whether or not Castiel could feel what Dean had only just realized he felt himself, Dean knew Castiel wouldn't abandon him, or even Sam. That was just the type of person Cas was. "There's something I gotta say," Dean continued. "I'm not sure how you're going to take it, but I'm not gonna be around much longer―"

"Dean―"

"No, let me finish." Castiel clammed up and watched Dean grimly, dreading the words that were going to come out of Dean's mouth next. Dean was his best friend, the only person who truly understood him and the thought of losing Dean was hurting Castiel on a level he never thought imaginable. "I don't know why it's taken me so long to realize it, and I'm kind of freaking out about it. Cas, you've been there for me―for Sam―for so long that it's hard to imagine life without you. Hell, it's hard to imagine death without you. But I'm going to die and that's fine, I've accepted it. What I'm trying to say is that I don't want to die knowing I didn't tell you how I feel first."

Castiel didn't say anything; he wasn't sure what to say. Was Dean trying to tell him what he thought Dean was trying to tell him? If so, did Castiel feel the same way? Dean Winchester was a chick magnet, as Castiel had heard some people say, and he loved women. So why did it seem like Dean was professing his love for Castiel?

Dean sighed and finally brought his gaze up to meet Castiel's. "Cas, I don't know how to say it, so I'm just going to say it: I think I love you, dammit. And it's weirding me out, but only because you're my best friend and I've never felt this way about anyone, let alone a guy."

Cas found himself laughing at Dean's awkwardness, but took Dean's hand in his. "I don't know much about love," Castiel said. "But while I was a human, I had glimpses and what I have with you is probably the closest thing." Dean grinned, probably the first real smile since he'd gotten the mark of Cain.

As Dean gingerly pressed his lips to Castiel's, he knew that this was all he needed. He didn't care about the cure for the mark or that he was going to die soon. It had taken him far too long to realize his true feelings, and he wasn't going to waste what little time he had left. This time was for him and now it was for Castiel. The two of them, together. 


End file.
